Something that I became more aware of recently is something termed
a 'secondary gain' for example a smoker who knows it is ruining their
health and using up £1000s per year for the privilege may be getting
a connection with other smokers, a social connection that feels good
and so they continue.... To many that might seem crazy, to some it's
a great reason to continue.
Have you ever wondered why sometimes, you don't feel very
motivated to achieve a goal, or feel like something is blocking
There are many reasons, but here are 6 possibilities...
I'll use two examples to start with.... If I am 2 stone over weight or I am
running a 10k in 1 hour 15 mins when I would really like to be under
1... A person gets something they like from something they don't.
eg although overweight or slower than they'd like, they perhaps enjoy
the feeling of connecting with others in a similar situation
2.... The new goal isn't in alignment with current values or beliefs.
eg A person might find them self thinking, those 'racing snakes' at
the front are all too serious/ obsessed etc I don't want to be like that.
3.... A fear or feeling of being uncomfortable at the thought of doing
something new, leaving the comfort zone is often quite exciting, I've
learnt that most of the best experiences I've had in life have come
from either stepping out of my comfort zone or even smashing it to
pieces. Get comfortable being uncomfortable?
4..... Lack of knowledge, perhaps you're motivated and ready to go
for it, just that you don't quite know what to do? What is it you'd need
to learn? Who do you need to speak to?
5.... Random goals, does the goal have a meaning to you? What
will be different if you achieve it? Beware of 'Round Number
Syndrome' eg with running a marathon, perhaps you did your
first in 4 hours 30 and now you want to run another in 4 hours.
Think about an intermediate goal first perhaps if it's necessary,
which brings me to my last one
6.... Belief that the goal is possible. How many of you would take
me up on a challenge if you thought it was impossible? So if I came
over to your house this evening, knocked on the door and said ok,
the challenge is to flap your arms as hard as you can and literally,
fly around the block. Would you even try it? My guess is probably not...
It sounds impossible then it's likely we'll just go straight back to our
usual ways and forget about it.
I'd love to hear any of your experiences or any you feel you're
experiencing at the moment!
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